dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
