I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
