When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
