Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
