Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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