You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
