I cockslap morals
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
