Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
