The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
