OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
one might say we're banned from that church
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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