Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
