dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
