I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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