Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
