I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
high people should be assigned attendants
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
