hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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