im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
