she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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