the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
