First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
