A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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