Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
