Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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