On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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