If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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