I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
sarcasm needs its own font
I checked into jail on foursquare
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
