so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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