I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
