TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
