It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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