just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
