At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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