somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
