You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
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