Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
