this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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