Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
