you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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