I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
