Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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