Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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