i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
only if we run a train.
done.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
