You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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