So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
