I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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