White coat. Heels.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
