i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
