Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
