what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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