When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
